The sunset skies

Waiting on the sinking sun to fill up the sky,
With brilliant and fiery shades of red and yellow,
over a canvas that is blue and dry,
I realize that its not just about the sun,
That the sunset sky composes a view second to none,
But about the games its acute rays play with the clouds, fluffy and white,
And creates a scene, that makes you fall in love with it at first sight!

~ Nimay Shah

Sitting Alone

I have gotten into the habit of writing poems.

Expectations Overturned

Something that has always kept niggling my mind, something that has always managed to make a fool of me.

Expectations Overturned

I’ve always wondered,

Why do we expect?

Expect people to do things for us,

Expect God to put all pieces just right for us, all the time,

When more often than not, we know,

This has led to just disappointment.

I’ve always wondered,

Why do we nurture expectations?

When more often than not, we know,

This has led to everything but happiness,

Expectations overturned and dreams shattered.

And in spite of knowing this fact,
That more often than not,
Unfulfilled expectations have lead me into deep, dark dungeons of sadness,
What has kept me going through all these years,
Is that the extremely occasional moments when these are fulfilled,
Have led to elateness undefined.

I'm tired

I think this is the closest I have ever come and would ever come to writing something close to poetic. I'll let the words speak for themselves.

I'm tired of holding on,
To all the things I ought to leave behind,
It's really getting old, and
I think I need a little help this time!

I'm tired of filling up the voids and empty spaces in my life,
There are so many now that I feel hollow deep inside,
Its getting really hard, and
I think I need a little help this time!

I'm tired of my life,
So uninteresting, so sad, so lonely,
Its getting unbearable,
I think my soul will die if I don't get a little help this time.

--Nimay Shah

Heart and Mind Unification

There are some thoughts and feelings where my mind and heart (respectively) don't actually fall on the opposite banks of a river. I thought this video describes it in a better way then my writing. However, not only are these matters pertaining to the heart but also matters where the heart rules over the mind and directs its thoughts. This is the case for me at least.

So, thats one more sad / depressing blog post I guess. I wonder if I have been genuinely happy in the past few months for a period greater than a few hours.

I can't find a way back into love

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I know this is digressing from the blog title or my previous posts, but what the hell, I love digressing!! I just couldn't help not post this song since the day I've heard it. Frankly speaking, many reasons to post this, this almost precisIely explains my sucky love life, which I don't want to talk about it detail as more often than not, this would involve a second person and I don't really feel like embarrassing those wonderful or may be not so wonderful lady / ladies. And I feel I am digressing because, I think that the mind can never speak about something like love, if you think it can its something else. Anyways I'll be keeping this blog post short and sweet and leave you pondering over stuff. So enjoy the song, titled 'Way back into love' credits to Hugh Grant and Haley Bennett, OST from Music & Lyrics.

Who the hell cares where we land up?

These were the golden words said by Aamir Khan in one of the best movies genuinely made in Bollywood, Dil Chahta Hai. At the age of 17, I didn’t know if these made sense or not, but they definitely did sound cool to be the motto of one’s life.

Some days ago when I watched the movie again, basically just for fun and the fact that I have been really nostalgic off-late after coming back from India where I had a fantabulous time with some of my friends and loved ones, ‘bang’ came the words again and its been 2 weeks since that day and there are still ringing back and forth in my mind, conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious. Watching the movie did solve the purpose I just mentioned, but it did much more than that. The words now make sense to me, or to be logically correct, they don’t make any sense at all.

To give you guys some background, I am 23 now, on the verge of completion a Master’s in Computer Engineering shit, which implies I am going through the not-so-envious phases of one’s college life: Job-Hunting, although to me it seems more like Job-Begging. So, coming back to the words, and why they make no sense. According to me let alone “who the hell”, the most important people who care where we land up are we ourselves. And then there are other people who matter a lot in your life like your parents, brother / sister, rest of the family, friends who in my case are there sitting thousands of miles away, who care about me, who have worked, loved, taught, spent so much for the sole reason, that I land up somewhere nice and have a great life. The selflessness of their purpose kills the statement. Sorry Aamir Khan, or whosoever wrote the dialogues.

However, out of all this, the most important thing is for one to know and decide where on earth, and not hell, he wants to land up, an issue which has marred the purpose of so many lives. People not being sure what to do in their lives, is the biggest problem affecting literate people on earth. In my case, I am pretty sure what I want to do, but I am not sure if this is the way I want to do it or not. Somebody had once said, “The whole world is moving towards just two divisions, Employees and Employers, the faster you move towards the latter one, the better it is”. This is something I believe in. I am not so sure of the fact if I’ll be able to be an employee, i.e. work for somebody for the rest of my life. So, that is the uncertainty as far as I am concerned. But, for starters, I am ready to do a ‘Job’, assuming that being just 23 and God had granted a decently enough long life to me, I have a lot of time on my hands to things I really want to do in my life and thus leave the fewest possible stones unturned. ‘Things I really want to do in my life’ rings many bells in my mind and something tells me my next blog may be just that.

Coming back, at this time, en-route my flight to Boston, for yet another interview, Dil Chahta Hai, again comes back to my mind and reminds of the words just before “Who the hell cares where we land up”, “Naukri milne ke 100 tarike (100 ways to get a job)”. I think now that if Aamir Khan would’ve seriously sung that song, would it have been any easier for me to get a job?? And then I wonder, that may be he, or for that matter nobody, knows the formula to that, and hence he never actually sang that song.

Research

Ahaa!!! At last!!! I have been thinking of starting off a blog since so many years and at last I have a blog to call my own. I know, I have started off when most of the net savvies / surfers out there have already quit blogging. But, I have high hopes that I will find some readers out there. As the title of the blog says for itself, its what my mind speaks. With few people around with whom I can do that kind of a talk, I generally find it either speaking to my heart, where it eventually ends up in a quarrel or to itself. So, this is just one more way that I've found to let it out.
I don't really know if you give introductions on blogs, but I think I need to. I am a graduate student, at Texas A&M University, College Station, Texas, USA in computer engineering, with my interest, research and specialization being in digital VLSI design / CAD, chip design to the common man!!!
Well, as somebody had said sometime, "Research is what I am doing, when I don't know what to do", is something I used to believe in. For me since quite sometime now, Research is just something I have been doing to graduate from my university with the Masters' I started off with in the Fall of 2006. I would attribute the changed motive behind research and how I look at my work to my summer internship. Before, people get a plethora of questions in mind, I would like to clarify those. Number one, there are people who are just in search of opportunities to re-iterate what they think about research and that research is absolute shit. On reading the first few lines of my shitty write-up, they think they have found a supporter in me. Am sorry to disappoint you guys, but this is not what you think its about. I still love the idea of research and the marvelous combination of the words R&D, which so easily states how 'research' leads to 'development'. My wishes to give a bigger meaning to my work have gone begging basically because of the lack of infrastructure and proper tool and facilities at my university. Also coming back to how my internship changed the way I look at it is basically because of the fact that I realized how useful or useless for that matter of fact the work that I am doing can be.
However, I still don't dismiss my work as absolute shit. It is because of this very work of mine that I landed up with my internship. It is because of this very work of mine what I am today and it is because of this work of mine, that I had some scholarships and am not bankrupt today or made my parents go bankrupt!!!! Some things remain unchanged though about me and my research, most important of them, my thought about research, which I've already told to so many people, and I would also state here: Any research is do-able and has a meaning if its going to help the person in the industry do something better and thus help the common man through a long link. So I end this one here, sorry for boring people who read this, but as the title says, its just my mind speaking and this is the best place I found to let it blurt whatever it wants, with the relief of getting stuff out of it and also not boring somebody with my thoughts.